Tuning Your Listening to the Next Level

“Daddy, are you listening to me?” This sent me spluttering over my cornflakes and drizzling milk down my freshly ironed shirt. “I’m listening Bethan, honest” knowing full well that I was merely looking at my daughter and hadn’t followed a word she was saying

Shame on you Daddy.

“Sorry Bethan, what did you say?”

“It doesn’t matter now Daddy”

Gone forever that conversation and my daughter sulked for the rest of the breakfast. All because I simply hadn’t listened. I got stuck in my own little world relating everything to me and my concerns. Although I was carrying out classic active listening gestures – you know eye contact, face tilt, nodding, those little “uh uhs”, I wasn’t really listening.

But a woman is better skilled than us men at communicating – that’s been proven time and time again. And my daughter, at only 5, can spot when a man isn’t listening properly.

OK, I kind of got away with it this morning over breakfast…I think…I’ll wait until tonight to see if Bethan is still talking to me. But in sales you won’t get away with it, you’ll lose the sale and that’s not so good. Imagine if your customer turned round to you and said

“you’re not really listening to me are you?”

That would be a killer wouldn’t it?

When practising rapport selling, not listening properly is practically a hanging offence. So how do we really do this? Two things.

One. Kick out active listening techniques. They don’t work, they’re false because just by giving the impression that you’re listening doesn’t add up. My daughter saw straight through me this morning and your customer will too.
Two. Just know that listening is hard work and you have to concentrate on it. Someone once said to me many years ago that listening is really tough. At the time I thought this was nonsense and argued that talking was harder. How could I have been so wrong.

You have to literally concentrate on listening to get it right.

And when you do the rewards are immense in selling. You build a rapport quickly, you find out about your customer – their needs, wants, desires, criteria – their problems and concerns. You know when to give benefits, you know when there’s a customer concern coming up, you know when to close. And these things make up selling.

So how do we do it. Think 3 levels of listening – a bit like a volume control on your IPod. When you want to listen more just turn up your volume control. I know it sounds a little bit daft but I have this imaginary volume control in my head and when I’m selling or consulting with clients and I want to turn up my listening, I turn up my volume control and this tells my brain to start listening more.

My volume control has three levels – level one, two and three.

So let me tell you about these.

Level 1 listening

Level 1 listening or Internal listening is when we are listening to sounds and information around us that are just for our purposes and no one else. I recall September 11th and having to use Edinburgh airport to fly home. Great timing on my part eh? The airport was in chaos. There were security checks everywhere, people shouting and panicking – it was a nightmare.

There I was fully aware of what was going on and intent on getting home safely and on time. I was in level 1 listening mode and I didn’t care about anyone else. I just wanted to hear the information and sounds that would mean that I got home. I listened out for the broadcasts and particularly the words Birmingham. I kept my ears open for information that would help me and no one else.

When people talk to you, do you relate what they are saying to your experience? When someone has told you they went skiing this year did you immediately relate this to your last skiing holiday and talk about that. We’ve all done it haven’t we? Inadvertently we’re level 1 listening and thinking only of ourselves.

At level 1 our attention is on ourselves. We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on what it means to us. At level 1 the spotlight is on me – my thoughts, my judgments, my feelings, my conclusions about myself and others.

Have you ever been thinking about what you are going to say next? We all do this.
So turn up your volume control now to level 2 and feel the difference.

Level 2 listening

Level 2 listening or focused listening comes next.

At level 2 there is a sharp focus on the other person. You can see it in people’s posture when they are communicating at level 2. Probably both leaning forward, looking intently at each other. There is a great deal of attention on the other person and not much awareness of the outside world.

You are beginning to see their words and reasoning on their side of the fence. You’ve put yourself in their shoes and their world. The next time someone tells you about their holiday, relate their experiences to them. How they saw it, what they encountered, what feelings of excitement they had.

Your awareness is totally on the other person. You listen for their words, their expression, their emotion, everything they bring. You notice what they say, how they say it. You notice what they don’t say. You see how they smile or hear the tears in their voice. You listen for what they value. You listen for their vision and what makes them energetic.

You switch off all distractions and I know this can be difficult.

I remember one of my first sales jobs selling mortgages to clients of an estate agency in Guildford High Street. My desk was right bang in the front office by the door – not ideal. And if you want to see big windows you only have to go as far as your nearest estate agents.

The distractions were enormous as we were on the main shopping street in town.

But you need to tune out all distractions and focus just on your client to be successful at level 2.

Now turn up your volume control to the maximum – level 3

Level 3 listening

Level 3 listening or global listening is the ultimate Rapport Seller’s skill.

At Level 3, you listen at 360 degrees. In fact, you listen as though you and the client were at the centre of the universe receiving information from everywhere at once. Level 3 includes everything you can observe with your senses: what you see, hear, smell, and feel – the tactile sensations as well as the atmosphere.

If Level 2 is an old dial up modem, Level 3 is wireless broadband with no physical connections just a room full of digital signals. We can’t see these signals but we know they’re there. Level 3 uses these invisible signals.

My wife is great at level 3 listening – in fact research suggests that women are better than this than men.

Some wonderful research was conducted by Allan and Barbara Pease and published in their book “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps” Do buy it and enjoy over Christmas. Very light, very funny and very revealing.

For many people this is a new realm of listening. One of the benefits of learning to listen at Level 3 is greater access to your intuition. From your intuition you receive information that is not directly observable, and you use that information just as you’d use words coming from the client’s mouth. At Level 3, intuition is simply more information.

Next time just try your level 3. Trust your intuition, your gut reaction, your sixth sense to hear what is not visibly there.

And next time I’m at the breakfast table stuck in my own little world listening to my daughter at level 1, I’ll just have to turn up my imaginary volume control and listen to level 3 and see the difference in her beautiful blue sparkling eyes.

Paul is an international sales speaker, sales trainer, author and coach based in the UK.

He specialises in rapport selling and rapport coaching and can ignite his audiences large or small.

Sign up to my weekly eZine of sales and coaching tips and get a free report on getting the best out of 2009 plus a free hypnotic relaxation MP3 to download. www.archertraining.co.uk

01452 730276

paul@paularcher.com

Blog – www.paularcher.com

Free Weekly Sales and Coaching Tips

Sign up now for your free Weekly Sales and Coaching Tips. These are shorter and more entertaining tips and ideas around selling and coaching sales people.

"Just while I have a moment I thought I’d drop you a line to thank you for your interesting Sales and Coaching Tips through the year. I have enjoyed reading them and even put one or two into practice. I’m impressed by your ability to produce something fresh and interesting every week!"

And if you sign up today you'll get two free gifts.

eBook - Expect More from 2009 - countless tips and ideas to make the most from 2008. It’s a collection of articles from experts around the globe, including me!
Plus a very special 30 minute MP3 "Breath Away Stress" from acclaimed hypnotist Steve Norton. Ideal for the pressured salesperson or coach.

Once you sign up you'll be directed to where you can download your free gifts

"Hi Paul, I don't know if you receive any feedback or not but I find your weekly coaching tips very helpful. They are simple yet effective. Short yet informative. Plain yet realistic. They are indeed practical tips that one could apply immediately. I certainly look forward to those weekly tips. Thanks and keep up the good work."

We value your privacy and make it really easy to unsubscribe at any time